Sunday, November 28, 2010

crunch

on monday november 22nd i found myself in a skaters glide across an icy road just a mere block from our home. in that flashing moment as i realized that i wouldn't make the halt at my stop sign i was faced with a choice... same as the choice where i decided not to bring any kids with me on my errand to bring turkey and pies to the episcopal church, same as the choice when i decided not to fasten my seatbelt, same as the choice i made to go to fred meyer instead of walmart or albertsons, same as the choice to wear a hat and no coat... but with this choice that allowed me only seconds to decide, i had to determine what would save my life and the life of the driver of the red one ton dulley headed at high speed straight in my direction.  i made the choice to gun it through the crossroad in hopes that he would miss me altogether.  i braced myself in a tight grip around my steering wheel almost relieved in that breathe where i thought i had made it unscathed, until in an instant came the turbulent jarring crunch.  my body flung around inside the van like contained glitter in a snow globe, my head taking the worst of it as it hit the rear view mirror.  when all settled and became still, i started crying out into the white loneliness of the road, my first thoughts turning to my children and husband realizing i was okay... and then i looked behind me and my stomach sunk.  the truck overturned was also still... running through my head- who is in there, are they okay, are they alive?  i felt desperation and confusion.  shaking and sore i made it out into the windy coldness and connected the man swearing on the side of the road to be the driver of the truck.  my heart ached to think i had done this to him... i worried that he was hurt and mad... i was angry at myself for slipping past the sign and now our cars were sitting on the side of the road like useless wrinkled gum wrappers.  people so kind stopped to help and i stubbornly resisted when the police, firemen, and tow-trucks buzzed around us, until defeated when my husband finally arrived i withered into his arms and cried like a child.  that day i was out of my mind and felt under water, but the next day i finally broke through to the miracle and blessing that things had turned out the way they did.  cars can be replaced, but people cannot.  i let go of the guilt that i felt for causing such a wreck and i embraced the grace that my children were not with me, that the man escaped his overturned truck and walked away, that all i had were bruises and soreness... especially considering that my seatbelt wasn't there to catch me... i think angels were.  this experience, like all of life's experiences will affect the choices i make in the future.  never again will i drive without my seatbelt.  i will slow down further in advance when driving on ice and coming up to a stop.  i will listen closely to the quiet whispers to do this, or do that, when even at the time i may not know why that is the right thing to do.  i am so good at the art of worry.  but i don't want to waste my life on it.  it's situations like these that teach me that when i am face to face with a compromising situation i can choose whether to wallow, or whether to rise above and move along looking at any possible bright side there may be... and there is always a bright side.  some choices we make for ourselves, some choices come after we are handed something and then it is sitting in our lap waiting for a reply... how will you react to me, how will you carry me into the future, how will you survive this, what will you feel, what will your future attitude be?  thanksgiving meant more to me this year after the recent funeral and reflection over the life of chris' grandmother and this once horrific car accident. life, so fleeting, should be spent in progression from one roll of the dice to the next, lived in fullness and joy.  our families are our most precious possession,  nothing else matters. 

12 comments:

Judy said...

Oh Sara!!!!!! I loved your testimony yesterday. You made me cry and give thanks to the blessing that you are ok and all the blessings in my life. You are an amazing person and I love knowing you. I love your strength and example. I love your little family....mostly Addie....who is more like friend to me. She has an old soul....very wise and mature. I am grateful that you are ok. I worried all day that day....hoping our little ward would all be ok in the blizzard. Thank goodness. Thanks for sharing......as I always think...."Oh i don't need a seatbelt....just running to the grocery store..."

Jill said...

Oh my goodness. Your words ring true in so many facets of my life.
I am so glad you are okay. And for the lessons learned and whisper listened to. I am thankful your little treasures weren't in the car also-and am so thankful that you (and the other driver) walked away.

Wow. :) Loves to you.

David & Kary said...

I am so thankful you shared this! I have worried about you. Love you.

bri said...

tears.

so full of gratitude.

for so many reasons.

love you.

bri.

Jennifer said...

Sara, You are so amazing. You make me want to be a better person. I miss you so much. I'm glad you are ok. Love you.

onesilentwinter said...

oh sara i bawling my eyes out- so glad you are okay. i understand your thoughts and emotions have had very similar thing happen.

deep breath you are alive and now awake!

wilkinson_fam said...

Holy scariness! My heart skipped a beat when I read of your collision. I am SO GRATEFUL that you are okay. It could have been so much worse.

If anyone deserves guardian angels, you do. So glad they showed up. xoxoxoxo

Caytie said...

Sarah!

I had no idea! I am so glad to hear you are doing ok! Thank you for your brave story.

SMDStudio said...

Oh, my dear Sara. I had no idea. I have been stuck in my own little world of trials. I am so grateful you and your family are safe. What an amazing gift of heavenly mercy and love. Love you!

Heather said...

Sara-I am glad you are okay!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts about what happened. I think we all beat ourselves up too much with what-ifs.

Merry Christmas

Shawna said...

just love you and so glad you are safe...

Addy said...

I'm glad your ok mom :)! p.s. love the new car! :)