how far would you go...

to protect your family?
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today i'm thinking about learning how to shoot a gun, and getting a concealed weapons license.
here are my reasons...

1. I'm the woman of the house right now, and I'm afraid if confronted with a domestic altercation on my turf, I would not be able to chuck a cell phone or lamp at a strangers head fast enough to grab my kids and flee.
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Recently some hooligans were making visits to several homes at late hours, even one in the morning, doing what they found on youtube-- "knock and don't run".
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lame.
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Kids of America, don't be idiots. Instead of getting in trouble with the law and harassing innocent villagers, why not try a game of twister or battleship. Or better yet, come on over and I'll put you to work pulling weeds in my yard. You can do better than this.
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2. Countless break-ins with things stolen from our homes that are trying to sell. Last week punk teenagers were found in one of the basements smoking, smashing pumpkins, and they had smeared mystery brown somethin' in the kitchen. There is no worse feeling than that in the pit of your stomach after someone who isn't welcome, has forced their way into a home and you have no control over what they did or do.
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Parents of America, where are you? Do you know what your kids are doing? Do you know where they are? Time to step up and take responsibility for your offspring. Teach them values, teach them respect, and teach them that if they ever break in again, I will personally kung fu their sorry asssshton kutchers to the moon.
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3. One of our pumpkins showed up by the road in the bushes this morning. Also, while we were out of town something got into our garbage making a big mess. Is no ones one third acreage sacred anymore? Is the rabid hose ripper back? Is this a herd of deer exploring my yard? What gives?
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Animals of America, please stay on your own property and leave my hoses and trash and pumpkins alone. Take out your frustrations on your own water dish, and when you feel the urge to relieve yourself of all those kibbles and bits, do it somewhere other than my front lawn where my one year will find it and taste it.
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4. I never use to believe in having guns in our home. They really scared me. This was ignorance. It use to be commonplace years ago for every man to own a gun whether is was to defend, or provide food for his family. There are also those who have it safely tucked away "just in case", and I've realized after holding down the fort for three months by myself, that I don't want to be someone caught helpless if the unexpected were to happen. I have always had fears of a child getting it and an accident happening, but there is education and precautions that one can take to make things perfectly safe for your family- leaving a gun out loaded is just nonsense. I have a Sheriff and four other policeman living within a blocks radius of my home, but in a split second, before they get here, I want to be armed, ready, and as confident as Annie Oakley herself.
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Times are scary folks, and I know there are people out there that disagree with the right to bare arms....but just wait till your own property is violated, or you hear something go bump in the night, and your precious children are sleeping soundly in their beds while the big bad wolf is trying to blow down your house of straw.
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Politicians of America, isn't it ironic that you who want to take our rights away, and our defenses away, are the very same people with body guards who have guns safely hidden under their jackets, just in case a crazy gets in your bubble. What do you suggest we all do, grab a slingshot and throw a rock at a burglar, toss a boomerang at a pyscho? I agree that there are people who are not of sound mind to have the responsibility of owning a weapon, but would they find a way anyways. Just because drugs are illegal doesn't mean Billy Bob stopped smoking.
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This is a complicated issue, and I don't have all the answers... all I know is I'm gettin' me a pistol, some shootin' skills, and then I'm going to drink a beer and sit on my lawn chair and protect my kids.
for reals.
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what is that I see out my window in the horizon?
It's Sara,
with a gun.
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snap.