"beth" is not the only thing we share

i have a fondness for dog the bounty hunter.

that do-gooder mullet man

who catches the bad guys,

one barefoot toothless dude

or dudette at a time....

but during the wedding my dress

made me feel how his wife Beth must feel.

the belt propped below my "ladies",

as if to present them on a platter...

and the jolly plumpness of my body reflected

in the photos gets everybody in the mood...

for christmas.

i will play a good santa this year.

Beth, as much as I love you,

as beautiful as your curvish fancies are,

i'm a bit tired of cropping out my ample arms,

and so it is with much sorrow,

that i bid adieu....

hopefully soon,

the name "beth" is all we will share.

i'm only eating carrots and granola bars,

from now on,

at least for an hour,

okay i'll start tomorrow.

("beth and the dog")