Thursday, August 13, 2009

Let's have a talk...

about this picture.
*
Let's talk about my outfit, and how it is featured in every blog post since 1988, and how since I was wearing Chris' man shorts thinking they would give me more room to breathe, they only had to be yanked up every 30 seconds as I waddled through Lagoon Park. Let's discuss my sexy legs and swollen cankles that lack definition and shape, yet with their shapelessness, remind me of my fond days on safari as we were stalking the elephants on the great plains of Africa, and how their big solid limbs carried them from place to place. How about those Willy Wonka-ish sunglasses purchased for five dollars at Walmart that probably should have stayed at Walmart... people, when you see me wearing something that so obviously draws more attention to my ever present pregnant nose, don't hesitate to intervene and take it away from me, I will thank you in the end. Let's talk about the back pack that I toted around full of dum-dum lollipops to bribe the Leprechaun and how it rubbed the skin off the burn on my arm acquired from cooking burritos a week before... or let's chat about the fears that were going through my head on this ride as I tried to avoid looking over the edge to my death, and how I kept thinking Oliver was going to slip through the measley bar holding us in as I pointed to distractions in the park remarking how "neat" or "cool" they were just so I could keep myself from hyperventilating out of terror. Or we could talk about my hair that my sister had just lovingly colored, but which I had to mess up by fixing into a pre-kindergarten ponytail fantasy thinking it would stay out of my way, when actually the bangs sticking to my forehead only acted as a arctic parka for my face trapping in all body heat and rendering my core temperature to an all time high.
But best of all,
I'm going to comment on the color of our sky pod,
in glorious bright orange,
that I'd like to imagine,
drew attention away from any faux pas
that may have taken place that day...
if you could only see my shoes.

5 comments:

wilkinson_fam said...

Oh Sara, Sara, Sara. I just wet my pants (love how having babies takes your bladder control away . . . among other things). You are SERIOUSLY so funny! The problem? I am still sportin' my ever-so-stylish maternity wardrobe two months AFTER the baby arrived. That officially makes me more pathetic. And I wish I could blame my swollen body on pregnancy. Nope. It's over. He's out. The End.

So WHO is the pathetic one now?

SMDStudio said...

You are hilarious! Miss you.

Andrea said...

You are hilarious! Lagoon never brings out the best in people, so it's not your fault. I always look like an overheated nerdy person there. I just blame it on Lagoon in general. Thanks for making me laugh though!

Judy said...

you put a smile on my face and I think you look adorable. You are so funny! But all in all....glad you had a good time! :}

onesilentwinter said...

you are too funny!!